Why Is He So Difficult? The Truth About Problem Boys & How to Finally See the Boy You Have

As a mentor for boys and the founder of BMAN, I hear the same questions from parents, educators, and caregivers. They are questions born of deep love, but also deep frustration:

“Why won’t he just listen?” “Why is he so difficult?” “Why can’t he be more like his brother?” 

We see a boy’s behavior on the surface—the anger, the defiance, the quietness, or the constant need for the spotlight—and we rush to label it. We call him “The Problem,” “The Bully,” “The Daydreamer,” or “The Apathetic Boy.” We exhaust ourselves trying to “fix” him, often leaving both ourselves and the boys in our care feeling “frustrated, misunderstood, and disconnected”.

I wrote Growing Boys: Unveiling Personalities because I’ve seen this story play out time and time again. I wrote it to answer a different set of questions.

What if we asked, “What is driving this behavior?” What if we sought to understand the unique personality that shapes his entire view of the world? 

The Boy Who Was Labeled a “Problem”

In the introduction of the book, I share the story of Samuel. At seven years old, his teacher had labeled him a “problem”. He was a whirlwind in class, dismantling pens to see how they worked and staring out the window for long stretches . At home, his parents were exhausted by his boundless energy and his tendency to break rules.

The world was trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, and Samuel was showing the strain.

What his teacher and parents couldn’t see was the brilliant mind whirring beneath the surface. Samuel wasn’t a “problem”; he was an Adventurer with the mind of an Analytical Thinker. He wasn’t defiant; he was testing the world to understand its limits.

The Urgent Need for a New Conversation

This is why this book is so urgently needed. Our boys are “the living messages we send forward to a time we will not see”. If the message we send is one of misunderstanding and frustration, we are failing an entire generation. As Frederick Douglass said, “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men”. Our work, right now, is to build strong children.

We are in an epidemic of misunderstanding boys. We’ve been given a script for a “one-size-fits-all mask of masculinity,”  and any boy who doesn’t fit that mask is considered flawed.

This book is the tool to break that mask. It is built on a simple, transformative belief: Understanding is the most powerful tool we have.

This Book Is Not a Collection of Labels—It’s a Collection of Keys

Growing Boys: Unveiling Personalities is your guide to looking “beyond the label and see the boy”. It’s not another way to “box in” your son. It is a “collection of keys” to unlock empathy and truly understand him.

Inside, we journey through 28 distinct personality archetypes—from The Thinkers to The Feelers, The Drivers to The Challengers. You will discover:

• Why the “Bully” may be masking a deep-seated insecurity.
• Why the “Overachiever” is often driven by a hidden fear of failure.
• Why the “Quiet One” possesses a rich inner world he’s waiting for a safe moment to share.

This is not a book of theory. It is a practical guide designed to move you from frustration to connection. Each chapter is a complete toolkit, providing real-life case studies, practical behavioral management strategies, and Q&As to help you nurture your son’s strengths.

Become the Advocate Your Boy Needs

By the time you turn the final page, this book makes a promise: you will be equipped to become the most important advocate in your boy’s life—”the one who finally, truly, sees him for who he is”.

This work is the core of our mission at the Boys Mentoring Advocacy Network (BMAN). When you purchase this book, you are not just getting a guide; you are directly fueling our work to mentor and support boys everywhere. You are helping us build a world where every boy feels seen, understood, and celebrated.

Don’t wait. The new conversation starts now.

Click here to get your copy of Growing Boys: Unveiling Personalities and support the BMAN mission today.